The Setting: Her car. We were driving to Publix together two days ago.
Mom: So Chris is coming back in two weeks. Are you excited?
Nicki: I'm super excited! I can't wait to just hug him!
Mom: Well, you can take my car to the airport to pick him up.
Nicki: That's silly. I can drive my own car.
Mom: Yeah, but my car's backseat is much bigger and more comfortable.
(Pause for a couple seconds as I try to decipher what mom means by that comment. Then it hits me... mom is giving me permission to take her car to the airport so I can comfortably have sex with Chris in her car!)
Nicki: Oh, I think it'll be ok. I'll just take my car.
Mom: Yeah, but Chris is probably really horny. He'll want to jump your bones as soon as he sees you.
(Oh my god! Mom just used the word "horny", and is talking about my boyfriend's horny-ness.)
Nicki: Oh my god, mom! Stop talking about this!
Mom: So you're just going to do it in your bedroom when everyone is asleep at night. I hope your bed doesn't squeek.
Nicki: You're making me so uncomfortable right now.
Mom: I know. I can tell. You're bright red. So, do you want to get donuts or a cake for dessert tonight?
End Scene.
I've never admitted to my mom that Chris and I have sex, so this was the first time we talked about sex together. And she ambushed me! There's just something so weird about my mom talking about me having sex. I did not like it at all.
bahaha, she ambushed you good! That is super awkward and uncomfortable. I especially loved when you said 'you are making me really uncomfortable'. Too funny. That plus your mom using the phrase 'jump your bones' is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteObviously you didn't find the convo funny, and for that and the awkwardness - I'm sorry. But - if it isn't funny now, it will be later when you think about it.
OMG NICK. I laughed out loud at this. all my roommates are sleeping, it's dark in my house. my cat is sleeping on my lap. When I laughed he JUMPED!! this is absolutely hilarious.
ReplyDeleteAlso, when I opened my blogger dashboard thing and was bombarded by posts by you that you had apparantly done a long time ago.. strange.
anyway, i'll be in wellington dec. 27ish- jan 2. will you be there?